respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
