Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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