I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
