She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
