So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
