In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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