Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
