I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
