I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
