Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Pooping to opera.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
