Will you blow on my dice?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
