Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's rum buckets o'clock
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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