shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
