I could make wine with my vomit
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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