Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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