Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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