FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
