I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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