The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
