He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
