I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
