Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
