I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
