I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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