I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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