everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
