At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
