it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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