Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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