I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
