If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Boobs are out for the taking
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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