she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
