quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
