I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
