the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
