This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
