Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
