:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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