Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
