I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
40s are totally the cure
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
