Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
