thus making me awesome and them whores
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
