singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
