"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
