I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
