Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
