I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
