Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
