your parents love me but you hate me
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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