A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think I am morally bankrupt
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
