Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
