she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
