What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
