I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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