From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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