my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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