I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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